April 09, 2011.
Its 11:38pm and I am awoken by a familiar sensation (or the lack there of). I am wrapped in a white ice cold cotton sheet and the last two finger of my right hand are numb and a portion of my entire right arm is also numb. I wake up and vigorously try to smack my hand and arm awake, I am so startled but then I remember...this feeling was the same feeling I use to get when I had my chemotherapy treatment. This was a side effect that was mentioned to me by the nurse who administered the chemo, that also explains why my nail bed and the lower portion of my nail is a pale blue.
Here is the ironic thing, I haven't had chemotherapy or any treatment since February 27, 2011 because I was dropped from my insurance in mid March. Yes, you heard correct...all my cancer related treatments were refused/"denied" and I now owe THOUSANDS of dollars!
The first feeling I felt after being told by my insurance carrier that ALL my claims would be denied due to a deemed 'pre-existing condition', was FEAR. After the fear settled I then felt this sadness and a deep sense of rejection. "No one really cares whether I live or die, they aren't here for me, they are here to treat me"- These are the words I said to myself while crying like a child on my bed on the afternoon of March 16, 2011. All I could think of was that -I was going to die!
"How am I going to come out of this alive? I have no insurance, no one will cover me, all those bills will equal thousands of dollars." I started to panic and I cried even more. The stress was getting the best of me and I wanted to just GIVE UP.
I prayed to God and I said "I can't see two feet in front of me, I'm lost, I'm tired, I have had a life of many difficult challenges yet you have never failed me, I am not in control here- YOU ARE so just show me the way and I will go." - (This part is super important so pay attention)
I spent the next day in a daze but I gathered myself together and started to devise a plan. I picked up the phone and called the nurse that was assigned to me via the internal patient relations and nursing department of the insurance company (all insurance companies have this when someone has a chronic disease), and then I get the full story. It seems that since I mentioned feeling the lump in my left breast just a few days before my new policy began, the insurance company deemed it as a symptom and therefore it was considered a pre-existing condition. Note to all, learn the insurance jargon and the game. Here is what I mean. - Had I been on a group plan and not an individual plan then the insurance company would NOT have been able to deny my claims. A group plan is exactly as it sounds. It is a plan that has many participants and is either part of your employer offered benefits OR you CAN enroll in an insurance plan that is part of a multi plan/group option. I highly recommend that if you or anyone you know is a sole proprietor or is like me and just wanted insurance coverage, GET ON A GROUP PLAN. The story gets better. After I am told this horrifying break down of why, I am told I can appeal. So what do I do?...I appeal of course. On March 16, 2011, one day before I am scheduled for my third chemotherapy treatment, I get a call from the billing department of my Doctor's office. The woman on the phone proceeds to tell me that I "cannot receive treatment tomorrow, unless I am capable of paying towards my $39,000 medical bill. WHAT???!! Now anyone that knows a little about cancer, stress is a major driver in a patients recovery. Stress was at my door step and the bastard was carrying a bouquet of flowers just to torment me because after the billing representative tells me this and my heart drops, she then tells me that she can rework the numbers ($) and bring down the payment. I'm thinking..O.K. I don't have much to begin with but maybe I can work something out- this was sheer desperation talking. She comes back (here was the bouquet of roses I was referring to) on the phone and says "we can bring the balance to $22,900 and a payment of $5,000 will allow you to receive treatment tomorrow. I calmly tell her that I will be appealing the insurance decision in hopes that she will let me see my doctor and hoping that I can get injected with this toxic filth that is propagated to save lives. Don't get me wrong, I know many people have survived cancer doing things the way the doctor tell them but from jump, I was against chemotherapy and yet here I was, begging for it. How funny is that? How crazy and illogical does that sound? Do you know what that was?...FEAR. I was so afraid that I wasn't thinking straight. But who could, really? - a week later I get a bill in the mail for $54,670 from the same doctors' office. Apparently the claims are all adjusting, since the insurance refuses to pay- can YOU smell the roses? I can't!
A week prior I started to experience excruciating pain in my right shoulder, my shoulder blade and front chest; a very bad neck spasm had limited my movement and I was in unbelievable pain. I went to my doctor on Tuesday of the following week (two days before my 3rd chemo treatment, that never took place) and she recommended some pain killers, acupuncture (a real stretch for her because she told that she was going to prescribe something "alternative", indicating that seldom physicians do so) and physical therapy. I took the pain killers but by the second night I was fatigued from the pain killers. After being told I couldn't have chemotherapy my spasm worsened and later that evening (Thursday) I call my doctor and tell her that the pain is unbearable, she sends me to the ER and orders a scan. I got to the hospital at 8:30pm, was interviewed and placed in a room by 9:45pm. I was then given 1mg of a drug to subside the pain. This drug was equivalent to 10mg of Morphine, I thought I was going to pass out, truly. My face was a pale white and the nurse stood by me and asked me if I wanted something else to subside the nausea. "God, one drug after the other...I've been trying to desperately build my body up so I can fight this cancer and all these toxic drugs are going to set me back"...so I said no. If you don't know this listen close...drugs are toxins, when you ingest a lot of medications or a small dose for extended amounts of time, two things happen. One, your blood becomes acidic and in this acidic environment cancer grows, it is a breeding ground for cancer and other ailments. Two, the toxins can be so strong that depending on the individuals' digestive system, those toxins can stay in your stool for weeks upon weeks and if they are not eliminated they get redistributed into your blood stream, even more toxic and more deadly. When these two things happen the body is in a compromised position and cells that are scheduled to die and be discarded (Apoptosis) can not be and proteins that are suppose to fight against abnormal cell development begin to assist its growth (everyone is confused). More and more studies are showing that genetics has NOTHING OR VERY LITTLE TO DO with CANCER. (see link of Dr. Lipton)
I took my CT scan, chest X-Ray and ultrasound and they all showed negative for metastasis.I was relieved._- Did you know that one CT Scan is the equivalent radiation exposure of 447 X-Rays? I decided after my second chemo treatment to begin a regimen consisting of Aloe Vera to speed the tumor shrinking process in hopes of getting to surgery sooner and having less chemotherapy but on that Tuesday appointment, my doctor felt my tumor and was so amazed at how much it had shrunk with only two treatments, plus I has been aspirating the tumor through my nipple and I showed it to her. She was so impressed that she suggested to do all 6 chemo treatments up front and a bilateral mastectomy and radiation and hormone replacement therapy, etc.... I was confused, wasn't I doing well? Doesn't that get me some "no chemo" sessions? NOPE it does not, on the basis that since I am a good "responder" chances are I would fair well with all the treatment and so the idea is to push on just to be sure. Here is my point, these doctors are NOT SURE. This is a gamble. I was siting in the room receiving my second treatment and a woman came in who was a volunteer for the Gilda's Club (cancer support and education group) and she sits down and explains that she had breast cancer 7 years earlier and now its in her spleen. She proceeds to tell all the women in the room about how she never had the Herceptin drug (wasn't offered then) and that was probably why the cancer returned. In fact, at one of the educational seminars at the local chapter of the Gilda's Club the group of survivors and patient attendees confirmed with the doctor (guest speaker) that cancer was much like the game of "wack-a-doo", you can take your mallet and wack the cancer but another one will pop up somewhere else and all you can do is keep wacking it. HUH???
Are you people serious? Is this freaking for real? Its as if cancer has become a way of life. Let me ask you, how many people do you know have or had cancer? Better said, how many people do you know that knows someone with, had or died of cancer?
Wack a doo? - I have an answer for this in a later blog entry.
Back to the hospital. It is now 2:35am (I remember this clearly) and all my test results weren't back and my husband and I can barely keep our eyes open, at this point I break down and ask for the anti nausea drug because believe it or not, I am still high like a kite and I am anxiously fighting the nausea. I figured that at this point I'm already so toxic that I might as well be comfortable. Sure enough, around 3:30am a canker soar starts to show up in my mouth; the acidity in my body was so bad that I was getting a soar. These mouth soars are also very common for patients on chemotherapy. yet another indicator of how these drugs effect our immune system. Mind you, back in 2005 I suffered from a bout of mouth soars that total 10 in a two week period. I went to two doctors and they both told me to stay away from stress (yeah right- I had just recovered from nursing my mom through cancer) and acidic foods. I wasn't satisfied with that answer but what did I know, so I moved on. Looking back, I wish I would have done my research and maybe I wouldn't be here now. Anyway, it's 5am and we are finally leaving and all they can tell me is that it is a reaction from the chemotherapy. Great!
I spent the next two weeks calling patient advocacy groups, the appeals department of my insurance company, the national PCIP (pre-existing condition insurance plan) hot line, La Ligua Contra Cancer (Miami, FL) and in all this I never received a follow up call from my doctor to see how I was feeling after my hospital visit. So much for professional ethic.
Then God spoke to me. A white light didn't come down from heaven, I didn't get face time with the man and I didn't have a messenger at my door. I was in my bedroom putting my laundry away and I remembered my prayer after the second chemo treatment. I prayed, I asked that God stop this chemo because I felt like it was killing my spirit. I was so fatigued and nervous inside that I felt like something entered my body and was taking over. I felt dirty and I felt sick. So, after I remembered that prayer I felt a warmth come over me and all I could hear in my heart was "This is what you wanted", I got down on my knees and cried and sobbed because for a split second I thought "oh my God, I prayed to die". Then a calm came over me, almost like I knew better than that. You know writing this I can admit I sound like Cybil but I'm not. I don't have multiple personalities (although my husband may disagree :)), I was having a "breakthrough" as they call it psychology. I was listening to my heart, I was listening to God. All that praying for what I thought I wanted, all those prayers about my worries and fears and I wasn't asking for the time or opportunity to listen. Not everyone suffers from this lack of faith or self doubt, but I do. And so after the calm came over me I stopped crying and I said OK, "Ok Melissa this is it. You have done so much research and you have done the conventional treatment, you can't stay here unprotected so what are you going to do? What do you want?"
While I have reached out to charity programs for people in my position and have several appointments to find an oncology team to follow me, I am still waiting to be seen. However, I put my faith in God and have begun a 30 day complete body all natural healing cleans to kill this cancer and repair my body. This consists of no meat, all juicing, plenty of water and a slew of herbal treatments that detoxify the body. In addition, I have several physical treatments that demand a regimen of 2-3 times a week and include high enemas twice a week. This program is not for those individuals that don't believe in the healing power of the human body and don't believe that God made us his temple, we are sacred and made in his light. Why wouldn't we be able to heal? If all I get out of this is a tumor shrunk to a size that is operable then I will be relieved but the truth is that I am doing everything I can to just be done with this cancer, so wish me luck. Since I have begun the tumor has aspirated more than ever and it is a fraction of its size since the last chemotherapy treatment.
The other day I was at Whole Foods market ( I only eat organic foods now and SO SHOULD YOU)and this man walked by my husband and I and stopped my husband and asked" does she have cancer?". That started a lengthy conversation and he proceeded to tell me that I can cure myself naturally and he knows people who have. This was a stranger, he didn't seem crazy, in fact he was quite educated. I had already begun the process and was glad to get my confirmation. The following day as I am preparing my next Detox Tea my husband was on the phone with a gentleman regarding business and he proceeds to tell him that his wife was diagnosed in January with Breast Cancer (stage I) and she opted to heal herself naturally (they are originally from California and his previous career was in cancer research and treatment) and in her last mammography they couldn't find the cancer. This isn't a hoax, people aren't lying. Those people that know me know that I am a fighter and I have never given up on anything. More importantly, I am not a liar. This is what I am doing and if I fail then I know I have to go another route but I highly doubt this will be the outcome. My intention is to inform you all as to my progress. So far the chemotherapy I had is slowly releasing out of my body, hence the reaction in my hand and arm after not having treatment in over a month. This recurrence of a chemotherapy reacyion took place after I had done a cold sheet treatment and high enema with a fever inducing bath (not in that order), it sounds a lot worse than what it is. Frankly, its a lot better than chemotherapy and radiation.
Did you know, that these conventional treatments have been linked to causing cancer recurrences? Due to the fact that the toxicity is so great and the radiation so intense, the body holds on to those toxins and the cancer starts all over again! - I wonder why conventional medicine refuses to include massive detoxification as part of their treatment plan?
I have lost more weight (10lbs.), I am slowly working my way up to running again- goal is 3 miles and while this may not be relevant or appeal to many people I have to share the importance of this...I am no longer constipated. I know the subject isn't something to discuss at a cocktail party but what I am learning is that our digestive health is directly linked to diabetes, arthritis, asthma, MS, Alzheimer's, and more. This is greatly due to the fact that we are not expelling enough waste. Our diets do not consist of high fiber and roughage. We don't really know what a balance diet looks like - that government endorsed pyramid is wayyyyyy off! Animal fat is extremely high in PH and in conjunction with other high PH foods like processed foods i.e. sandwich meats, Doritos, frozen dinners, Lean Cuisines, canned fruits, canned veggies, canned beans), our bodies become so acidic that cells in our bodies stop functioning as they should. We are being poisoned and the only way to stop it is to flush it all out (not via your store bought cleansing systems) and build up the immune system. I've included a few good links below so that you can slowly gather your own conclusion. I wish you all great health and enormous faith.
-Melissa
Resources
1. http://www.cancerfightingstrategies.com/causes.html
2. http://www.mercola.com/ (watch the video on the far right "The Town of ALLOPATHY")
3. http://www.herbdoc.com/
4. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLZ7GqWpEqM - Dr.Lipton (Biologist)**** Very Important
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