Why "I" have Cancer.....

Well Everyone my first Chemotherapy treatment was officially 7 days ago. Before I recollect the last week, I want to tell you all that my experience with this treatment is specific to me and may not be what other people report. In addition, my experience is very personal and some of you may or may not like what I have to say. I ask that you have an open spirit. Notice I did not say mind or heart. I am asking for you to read these next few passages with love, find the "you" that maybe few people know or the "you" that you may not share often, or the "you" that everyone knows. If you are one of the later people, you rock and keep up the good work! I am learning that the real "YOU" is what the heavens want to shine above anything else you can possibly do here on earth. So here we go.

I haven't written in almost 10 days because my life has been turned upside down. Not an unfamiliar feeling for me but this time its different. More than just chemotherapy, there have been other toxic substances that I have had to familiarize myself with both within my body (physiologically) and externally (i.e. relationships). Lets begin with the chemo, shall we.

Thursday, January 6, 2011:

Exactly one month after my diagnosis, I am sitting in a 10 x 11 room. The walls are a pale yellow, the chair rail is a teal and there are three wall ornaments of angels scattered on the wall behind the nurses desk. I am sitting in a teal recliner and there are 6 recliners just like mine in the room to keep me company. Attached to the recliners is an intravenous (IV) medical stand (IV pole) and to the left are pillows and warm blankets for us to use and make ourselves comfortable. As I enter the room the nurse greets me with a supporting smile and asked me if I am ready. What a loaded question. Of course, I answer "Yes, I'm ready", and I was. I had spent the last few days accepting that I had to do something because as my doctor told me "cancer will not wait for you". It was a very profound statement for both me and my family and friends who were with me on that visit; we all stopped and looked at each other. All that to say, my doctor was right and on Jan. 6, 2011 I was ready. However......

As I sit down, there is a woman in her late 40's maybe early 50's sitting across from me and you can see in her eyes that she is a very pleasant person. She smiles and I have officially entered into a new group. In a matter of 10 minutes the room fills up and all 6 chairs are full, other women come in and have to be sent to the other room in the back of the office. In the 8 hours I was there (I'll explain why it was so long) those chairs turned 10 chemotherapy patients, not to mention the back room that has a few chairs as well.

Two days prior (Jan.4) I went in for my port placement. The port is a catheter that is inserted just below your skin, very small in size, palpable-the size of the first part (tip) of your pointer finger. Attached to that is a small tube that draws the medicine into your body, directly into your vein in the center of your body. I also has a sentinel node biopsy done because in my scans in mid December a lymph node showed characteristics of cancer. Sure enough, The sentinel node biopsy that was performed nearly three weeks after my original PET scan exposed TWO nodes. That means that the cancer either entered the second lymph node during the scans (three weeks prior) and it was so microscopic that the radioactive isotope didn't attract the cancer enough for it to light up on the scan OR, the cancer was spreading fast and the second node was infiltrated in a matter of three weeks. I was glad that I had that biopsy and I was glad to have the port placed and I was ready for treatment. Now, let me be honest with you, I never agreed with what this type of therapy does to the body. I was against it from the start. I knew that I had to find another way to beat this. The problem is that my cancer was now at stage 3, I have two babies at home (2 years and 9 months), I had to do something that would give me a fighting chance and give me time.

The nurse gets me ready for all my anti nausea medication and she can't seem to access my port. Access meaning that when she tries to draw blood and/or administer medication the tube won't let anything pass through. She tries again, nothing. She asks me if she can remove the needle access they left ready for her from surgery so to make it less painful for me. I agree, and it was uncomfortable and painful. she tries a new needle and tries again...nothing. She has me lay down and BINGO, it works. At this point I'm thinking, maybe this is a sign. Maybe this isn't for me....run, run like hell!!!!  Of course I didn't, but I wanted to. My doctor comes in and says, "lets access her through the hand and we'll address the port later,....I don't understand why this happened, I've never had a problem with the port XYZ doctor has placed before, and he's been doing them for my patients for years". GREAT! Now I'm really thinking... "God is talking to you, make up some rational arguement, you're very good at that, and just leave." "Maybe this is the time you needed?" Well, I didn't. I stayed like a good girl because I knew in my spirit that I had to do this. I asked myself, the real me, not the business me, not the scared me, not the mother or wife, friend or daughter. I asked myself what do "you" want to do? Do you know what I heard?...."There is something else for you but you must do this now", and so I did.

After the anti-nausea medications and steroids (of course the nurse kept explaining it as anti-nausea but they were steroids and to a layman, one would think that they were nothing more than medications to prevent you from vomiting), the real drugs began. Herceptin, because I am ER/PR positive and HER2 positive, was the first. When it was administered I just sat and prayed that God would protect my heart. The heart is one of the most effected by Herceptin, if effected at all. According to the list of side effects, it can cause congestive heart failure, weakening of the heart muscles and more. The link below will provide more information. I say if effected because according to what I've read and have been told by medical professionals, as you undergo treatment, if symptoms do not arise that indicate otherwise, the more you use Herceptin the less "likely" your heart will experience any effects. Hmmmm, does that sound right? I mean logically, yes. If you don't show signs of illness to your heart after 4-6 cycles then chances are "you're good", you are not going to suffer from any major heart problem. EXCEPT...if you do respond adversely during treatment it can be in the form of muscle failure, low blood pressure, or a massive heart attack! These are the only treatment options we are utilizing? Why? Why can't we help our bodies fight back? Why can't we push this out? Oh wait, I know because it makes money, because we are already so toxic inside from all  the chemical we consume in our food and environment that the time we would need to cleanse ourselves and fight it would be too long and we'd loose the battle! This applies to people like me, people that have been diagnosed stage 3 and above. Time is not on our side. This may also apply to some people in stage 2 as well. Furthermore, it applies to people with more severe cancers like, pancreatic, lung, brain and colon. It also applies to people that have a small microcalcification in their breast and not a mass or tumor but for some reason it has metasticised into their bones. Well, if I'm doing the math correctly, this really applies to people who have found their cancer at a very infantile stage. Better said, preventative. In just a few sentences we went from stage 3 and 4 to zero, when discussing our ability to really fight this. Don't lose hope, there are answers. Its not as bleek as it may sound, I digress.

The second drug, Taxotere (Docetaxel)...monster. Taxotere is an antineoplastic/cytotoxin. In other words, they are anti-cancer drugs that lessen the blood flow to the tumor which the cancer utilizes to gain strength and grow.It is known as a antimicrotubule agent, its purpose is to stop cell division at mitosis, essentially stopping the cell from growing. I felt it enter my body and I immediately closed my eyes and envisioned it only traveling to the tumor because I didnt want it to run through my body and do whatever it wanted. If I was going to accept it into my body then I had to direct it, like a small child in a play ground. I had to rally all it characteristics and show it where to play; it was strong, my fingers and toes started to tingle. Now mind you, Taxotere side effects are nausea, hair loss, fluid retention, nail bed discoloration, peripheral neuropathy (finger and toes numbness), low white blood cell count, mouth soars and so on.

Last but not least, Carboplatin- 600 mg. I don't know if it was because it was the last drug administered but it left me feeling scared. Honestly, I told my husband and my mother (who were both there with me) that this was the mother of the three. Carboplatin (antineoplastic/cytotoxic) is very similar to the Taxotere side effects but it is an alkylating agent. Its side effects also include nephrotoxicity which is when the kidneys are poisoned and can not function as they should and can not release excess urine. This can also lead to renal failure or problems. Before undergoing treatment I did not get on the computer or ask my medical friends what these drugs were. I knew that if I did I wouldn't be able to concentrate on what had to be done. I would have been thinking about what was being done to my body. The day of treatment I received a photocopied list of the drugs and their side effects from the chemotherapy nurse. I did not read them when I got home. All I wanted to do was see my sons and rest.

2:30am, I wake up startled. I fell asleep with the side table lamp on (my husband hates when I do that), thank God I did. I opened my eyes and gasped for air. There is no exhaggeration here. My heart was pumping hard, my legs were throbbing and my kidneys felt like someone was squeezing them so tight and my lower back was so arthritic. I didnt know where to turn to gain relief, I didnt make a sound. I started to take small profound breaths, I didn't cry, even though I wanted to. I was so emotionally hurt above all, because all I could think about was "This is my body and I'm in pain..., I am so sorry". I kept breathing and when I could take deep breaths I began to pray. Since I was a young girl I have clinged to my relationshipship with God. There have been times in my young twenties where I forgot who I was, meaning I forgot God existed inside of me. We all have different belief systems but, this is my story and God is very much a part of this all.

As I am in prayer my husband is still sleeping and I didn't wake him because I needed my time with God. I knew prayer would help release me from the fear that was running through me. 2:45am, my oldest son wakes calling for me..."mama?". How did he know to send me my son so that I could change gears and give to my baby? Maybe to distract me while he was giving to me? Whatever the plan, it worked. I got out of bed and got my son and we stayed in bed and ate oatmeal and talked until 5am. He just wouldn't fall asleep no matter how much I pleaded :). Finally, at 5 am my husband and I and our oldest son fell asleep in the bed together and waited for our youngest son to wake us up in 2 hours :). I spent the next 5 days with aches, stomach pain and feeling very tired. My body was responding and I did my best to stay still. Anyone that knows me knows that it is VERY difficult for me to sit still. I knew what was happening to me but I had to concentrate on the positive. In the meantime, I continued with my acupuncture, medical Qigong, prayer and my antigeogenesis diet. You'll be happy to know the tumor has shrunk.

Here is some interesting information about genotoxic drugs.

Genotoxic drugs are chemotherapy agents that affect nucleic acids and alter their function. These drugs may directly bind to DNA or they may indirectly lead to DNA damage by affecting enzymes involved in DNA replication. Rapidly dividing cells are particularly sensitive to genotoxic agents because they are actively synthesizing new DNA. If enough damage is done to the DNA of a cell it will often undergo apoptosis, the equivalent of cellular suicide.
The genotoxic chemotherapy treatments include:

• Alkylating agents: The first class of chemotherapy agents used. These drugs modify the bases of DNA, interfering with DNA replication and transcription and leading to mutations
• Intercalating agents: These drugs wedge themselves into the spaces between the nucleotides in the DNA double helix. They interfere with transcription, replication and induce mutations.
• Enzyme inhibitors: These drugs inhibit key enzymes, such as topoisomerases, involved in DNA replication inducing DNA damage.

The goal of treatment with any of these agents is the induction of DNA damage in the cancer cells. DNA damage, if severe enough, will induce cells to undergo apoptosis, the equivalent of cellular suicide. The genotoxic chemotherapy drugs affect both normal and cancerous cells. The selectivity of the drug action is based on the sensitivity of rapidly dividing cells, such as cancer cells, to treatments that damage DNA. The mode of action also explains many of the side effects of treatment with these drugs. Rapidly dividing cells, such as those that line the intestine or the stem cells in bone marrow, are often killed along with the cancer cells. In addition to being cytotoxic (cell poisons), these drugs are also mutagenic (cause mutations) and carcinogenic (cause cancer). Treatment with these drugs carries with it the risk of secondary cancers, such as leukemia. These drugs are used to treat a variety of solid cancers and cancers of blood cells, often in combination with other drugs. (1)

    So what does that all mean? Well, as much as these drugs are built around killing the DNA of the cancer cell, they also kill DNA that helps us. There is no perfect formula. Some of us will make it and some will not. One thing we all have to remember, our bodies are built to heal, regenerate constantly and our bodies go through a DNA rebirth every 7 years! Therefore, if I am 35 now that means that I am now entering my rebirth. This is good. God didnt make any mistakes, our bodies are made to last a very, very long time. Take care of it and it will take care of you.

How can this be happening???

Before I begin I want to be clear, the information I share is from my own personal experience and from research I have gathered via reputable research analysis and articles/journals. I am exercising my freedom of speech and in no way am I claiming to be a medical professional. All of the information I discussed can be verified via websites and/or medical journals.


Early August 2010: After giving birth to my second child I began to feel very tired and sever aches in my hips and legs. I attributed this to my postpartum (4 months) and to the 3rd generation birth control I was taking, which will remain nameless but was in the news. The following month I decided to stop taking it; I was previously on the same contraceptive after delivering my first born in 2008 for a period of 8 months and remebered that it didn't agree with me then either. So why do it again?.... out of convenience.

Late October 2010: The symptoms started to subside and I chose to no longer take any form of contraceptive.  Despite, the tiredness and difficulty sleeping persisted. Weeks later in my routine self breast exam I felt a lump in my left breast and I got scared. I didnt want to panic and so I calmly ste an appt. with my gynocologist (GYN). after she examined me she said.."I wouldn't worry about it, your tissue feels very dense and you just had a baby...lets get a mammography and ultrasound to be sure". One week prior to me seeing my new GYN I had gone for a thermography that showed massive blood flow in that breast. I went to the thermo scan because I didnt want to expose myself to any radiation due to the fact that I recently had a baby and my cells were still recovering; little did I know it wouldn't have made a difference.

A thermography is a non-invasive device that will scan your body and detect infrared, thermal heat or radiation on the electromagnetic spectrum (it reads the heat in your body). It can tell if there is an excess of blood flow in a particular area and will show a color mapping from blue (cool), to green, to yellow, to red and the white (hottest). My breast was covered in red. I knew then that I needed to go to the scheduled mammography.

Early November 2010: Mammography and ultrasound results are given to my doctor and she sits me down and proceeds to tell me..." I have never seen a report like this come back negative, I'm sorry to tell you that you have breast cancer".   

I couldn't hear anything else she said except when she mentioned that she knew I was a mother of two young children (2yrs. and 6 month)...and then after she said that I cried like a child. How could this be happening? I don't have any health issues, I don't even have cavities! Ok, I don't eat as well as I use to but why? What did I do wrong? 

December 2010: After visiting the surgical oncologist he declares that the mass needs to be biopsied. We biopsy and discover that I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC), the most common of breast cancers but the plot would thicken. My prognostic exam (showing the characteristics of the tumor- equivalent to its personality, if you will) shows that I am ER (estrogen) positive at 91%, PR (progesterone) positive 89% and Her2 (Herceptin) positive 3+ but my p53 was negative. what does this mean? It meant that although an ER and PR positive diagnosis existed which would typically make this cancer a slow grower, I has Her2 (Herceptin) positive and that would force this monster inside of me to be a fast growing tumor. The tumor is now 10 times its original size from late November and its in my lymph nodes.

Not Taking The Road of Immediate Satisfaction: Chemotherapy was prescribed, bilateral mastectomy, hysterectomy, more chemotherapy, radiation, Herceptin drug treatment for 1.5 years, Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) and Anti-body therapy.  Immediately, I began my own work. DeIpite the fact that I was late in the game and I would be a cancer patient at stage 3, I began to fight back. I am now on a high enzyme rich diet consisting of raw living foods (veggies, green and dark red veggies), no meat, coconut water, wheat grass twice daily, only Organic and more. Why?

Cancer feeds off of simple sugars (sugar, candy, fructose, white rice, white flour, soda,  and even some high sugar fruits, etc...) but it can not metabolize protein, fats and complex carbohydrates (green leafy veggies). I had to slow this thing down. Cancer patients are also found to suffer from low vitamin D3 and their blood is typically thicker than healthy individuals. We all have cancer in our body, that is to say that our cells can transform to abnormal cell development at any time if our fighter cells refrain from functioning and doing their job. Naturally, herceptin is one of those fighter cells (protein) but the over production of that cell ("positive") will confuse the cells and change its original duty and begin assisting the abnormal development of the cancer cells hence, growing at a rapid pace. Going back to vitamin D3; this vitamin is generally produced via exposure to the sun. This is why newborns need to be exposed to the sun once a week for 20 minutes. Apparently so do adults. The D3 allows for bone health, it is life sustaining, provides immune support and has hormone like qualities that are processed through the kidneys and liver from cholecalciferol(D3) to produce D3 (calcitriol) and is then utilized by the body for protection and provide hormonal balance. People low in D3 can suffer from depression, back pain, pre-eclampsia during pregancy and cancer, just to name a few. Wow! Sure enough my blood work came back at 25, well below normal range.

Cancer also takes place when cells or genomes (genes) "shut off". These genomes are no longer functioing and cant support the body accordingly. This happens as we age and for that reason breast cancer was more common in woman and men in their 50's; claiming age was the major contributor. Later women at 40 were becoming affected and now women like myself in their early to mid 30's. But it doesnt stop there...young woman in their 20's are now facing the monster.

Why am I writing this? I have never read, let alone created a blog but something inside of me told me to TELL. Tell everything I am learning, tell everything I am doing and ask people to tell. Did you know that for some people coffee can cause a genome to shut off?  It may have to do with the frequecy of its use or it could be the individuals sensitivity to the change in insulin level due to the bean, not the caffeine. I was guilty of that.  So how do you know whether you're prone to getting cancer, excluding family history - which by the way, I have no family history of breast cancer. The best thing that I have learned to do is to have your blood evaluated. After my first son was born 2008 I mentioned to my girlfriend that I wanted to do a bioidentical analysis of my blood because I was seeking balance.  I should have listened to my instincts...dont ignore your instincts, get answers!

I am not saying that is the end all and be all but its a good start. More to come....I have a lot to share. Wish me luck Chemotherapy starts in two days.